#76: The Duality of Hope

Basically, I try to take over during the first five minutes of the episode as I talk about hope.  Then I pass the mic over to Jason and you will probably actually like what he says much more.  I just try to sprinkle in anecdotal comments as I can, you’re welcome. Hope is a handhold for wives in the following ways… 1 - it gives women a sense of security in the middle of what is a very chaotic experience. 2 - it can reconcile staying. 3 - it can be a reprieve from the chaos that she is experiencing with him. 4 - it can be something that can help her feel sane. 5 - it gives her a way to reconcile that all the years weren’t lost. Then I chime in with:  hope is a key ingredient that we have to have.  It doesn’t just help with a semblance of security - it IS security.  And yet…at the same time, hope can be a handcuff (holding her back) in the following ways... 1 - because everything orbits around recovery. 2 - because it betrays her intuition and better judgment. 3 - because it can cause her to question her faith. 4 - because she is signing up to stay in a revolving door of pain. 5 - because it forces her to decide between herself and the kids. 6 - because if she doesn’t hope - she will be the bad guy. 7 - because it feels like life is defined by betrayal. We then have a couple of side discussions - initially, I am honestly just trying to figure out where to place this guy (that Jason is speaking of) that betrays his wife, does all this recovery work and then says he is going to just let her go.  We make no progress in this conversation and move to... We then talk about how in mid-recovery, we in some ways had to sit in a place of figuring out how to like each other again, be roommates again, be husband and wife again, etc.  Honestly, I think both Jason and I wondered - after all that hard early work - if what we salvaged was really worth it.  The good news is:  it was a season and it did pass.  So my encouragement to each of you is to keep going. We then go BACK to this guy that is just going to let his wife go (after betrayal, discovery, disclosure, and years of work:!).  I clearly can’t let this go and ultimately have some opinions, that I will leave to the recording. And the final side conversation has to do with deferred hope and how we can get stuck in this place.  Naming it is powerful and so I hope having these words (if they apply) will help you, too! We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #6. "Hope anchors the soul" is from Hebrews 6:19. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” is from Proverbs 13:12. Make sure you download the Podcast Freebies! You can do that here.   Would love for you to consider joining me at the Fall 2024 Retreat - you can join the wait list here.  Would also love for you to join me in the 2Q Boundary Class - registration opened last week. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.