#35: Reintegrating the Dark Side

We start with a very quick appliance update even if Jason thinks nobody cares.  I know otherwise! As for the episode:  Does your husband or x-husband tell you there is no reason to talk about the sexual integrity issue because he doesn’t struggle anymore?  This is something we hear quite often and it sends red flags off in my (Shelley’s) head in a major way.  We unpack how this impacts her (it can be super invalidating and scary) as well as what might be driving him to say this (fear, shame, and misinformed theology).   We then share a different framework for him to use and that will also be much more reassuring for her.  Here are a couple of the high points: - Initially, the addict or dark side and the good man are tangled up with the addict in the driver’s seat.  It’s important to acknowledge that those two parts of him are there. - The early recovery work focuses on extracting the addict from the guy in recovery and focusing on understanding the addict as well as understanding the good man within.  As Jason says, a lot of men stop here.  - Long range - what we want to do is reintegrate the addict (or dark side) and the new, good man. The good man is in the drivers seat and as Jason says - "with grace and compassion hold that the dark side is apart of us”.  By owning our sin and our mistakes, we are humbled and able to hold tight to the fact that we need a Savior.  This is so incredibly important. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!    Shelley mentions the Requests for Reassurance Episode #32 - here is the link to it. The Worthy of Her Trust workshop for men is happening this March in TX. Applications are live and you can get all the details for that here. There is also a women’s retreat happening the beginning of April in Ocean Isle Beach, NC - details are here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.