#44: Forgiveness - Part One

In this episode, we talk about all things forgiveness.  This is one of my favorite topics in the betrayal recovery realm and I realize that we are just barely skimming the surface here.     I start with sharing a bit of my forgiveness story, just to give all you listeners a bit of context on where I am coming from.  Bottom line:  initially I saw forgiveness as THE solution and so my second run at forgiveness, I chose to take it very slowly, as I knew I had to do it differently.   Some of the other things we chat about: the pressure put on women by our Christian culture to forgive the fears that come along with forgiving - like not being able to grieve or talk about the pain and hurt anymore once we forgive what needs to happen in order to forgive:  grief work, knowing what she is forgiving, and getting safe (safety comes before forgiveness) the story of Joseph and how he grieves and forgives interchangeably.  Once forgiveness takes place, he continues to grieve.  We see in Genesis 41: 51-52 as well as in Genesis 50:20 that Joseph is in the process of forgiving, saying big and little yeses.  We see in Genesis 42:24 and 43:30 Joseph grieving (just to name a few instances of Joseph grieving). the difference between grief and unforgiveness:  unforgiveness is defined by “the demand for what you owe me” whereas grief is expressing the “pain of how you hurt me”. what helps her to be able to forgive:  him being forgivable - including humility, contrition, talking about it when she needs to, being willing to say “I’m sorry” - many a times. what does forgiveness look like when he didn’t do recovery work and he isn’t safe.  Sometimes having strong boundaries can FEEL like unforgiveness. Shelley mentions Matthew 18: 21-22 when Jesus teaches that forgiveness, and continuing to do so, is based on our hearts, not on a number.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!  "Forgiveness is both an event and a process.  It’s one big yes followed by many little yeses as the months and years roll by.” - Paula Rinehart, Strong Women, Soft Hearts Click here to join the wait list for the Worthy of Her Trust Workshop. Click here to join the wait list for the RLW Retreat for women - releasing the next date and location on July 24th!  By joining the wait list, you will get early access to ticket sales. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus.  We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop!  Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list.  Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.