#70: When She Feels Stuck

In this episode, we talk about her getting stuck and how this can be (not always, but can be) connected to him NOT doing good, consistent work. Jason recaps a couple of things from episode #68 - What is Good Work (definitely check out that episode if you want to learn more about what “good” work looks like - see the link below.) We discuss four big things that can cause her to get stuck in the process (when he is not doing good work). These include: 1 - When there isn’t clarity on if he is doing good work or not (when she simply isn’t sure) OR when it seems like his level of good work changes on the daily / weekly / monthly. 2 - Difficulty (for her) in identifying needs and boundaries - this is a huge area where women can get stuck, when they struggle to identify what they even need. 3 - Unconscious vows she has made to herself. 4 - When staying the same isn’t more painful than making a change - this can also cause her to get stuck. In the podcast episode, we are specifically referring to setting boundaries and the price we pay as women to set those big boundaries. The less good work he is doing - the more boundary setting we have to do in order to heal. 5 - Mixed Signals from him (similar yet different to #1, above.) We then shift gears and talk about strategies to get you unstuck: 1 - Get clarity on if he is doing good work (or not). Take Jason’s advice and go with the graph of a stock analogy for this. You can also consider these journal prompts: How is he helping my heart heal? How is he hurting my heart from healing?2 - Get clear on your needs and boundaries. Journal out: What are the top five things I need to feel safe in my marriage?3 - Journal out - What do I think, want, need and feel? (See Chapter 3 in the Rescued workbook.) 4 - Naming the vows you have made and then Journal out: Are these vows still working for me? We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #6! Episode #68 goes into greater detail about what good work is - you can listen to that here. And while we are at it, the “sister” episode (haha!) I referred to when talking about vows was Episode #69, which you can listen to here. Here is a link to the Rescued workbook. I also refer to Episode #47 - When He Chooses Not to do the Work, which you can listen to here. Make sure you download the Podcast Freebies! You can do that here.   Would love for you to consider joining me at the Fall 2024 Retreat - you can join the wait list here.  Would also love for you to join me in the 2Q Boundary Class - join that wait list here. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley’s {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason’s list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.