Ep. 40: A Conversation About People Pleasing with Hailey Magee

Hailey Magee is a certified coach, educator, and writer. As an Erickson Coaching International Certified coach, Hailey has worked with hundreds of individuals in one-on-one coaching as well as through workshops to help them set empowered boundaries and break people-pleasing patterns. Her work has featured in The Gottman Institute Blog, Medium’s Better Humans, and Newsweek, and she has partnered with organizations such as Amazon, WeWork, and Women In Music. Hailey holds a BA from Brandeis University.   Hey everyone! Welcome to today’s episode of the Wright Conversations Podcast! For today’s episode, I’m joined by Hailey Magee to talk about people-pleasing patterns, why these patterns are so hard to break, and how people-pleasing, co-dependency, and lack of boundaries manifest. Hailey also talks about where to begin to undo the patterns, the importance of normalizing outgrowing relationships, how to build up guilt resiliency, and dealing with breakups. Let’s delve in!   In this Episode You’ll Learn: [01:39] A bit about Hailey. [02:19] Getting into the topic of people pleasing. [03:57] Why it’s so hard for people to say no. [05:38] Defining people-pleasing. [06:32] Defining boundaries. [07:19] Defining co-dependency. [11:11] The most common things that come up. [13:40] Where to begin. [16:14] Differentiating between being selfish and not setting boundaries/people-pleasing. [18:09] Some boundaries that are difficult to set for those who struggle with people-pleasing. [20:48] Outgrowing relationships. [25:49] When you get a guilt trip. [28:42] Tools for guilt resiliency. [29:50] Setting boundaries in different relationships. [31:40] Breakups. [35:43] Hailey’s words of wisdom.   Quotes: “[People pleasing is] the act of chronically Prioritizing other people’s needs, wants, or feelings, at the expense of, and to the detriment of, our own needs, wants, or feelings.” [05:56] “[Boundaries are] the containers or statements that separate us from other people.” [06:40] “[Co-dependency is] the experience of losing our sense of self in another person.” [07:37] “We can’t set boundaries around our needs if we can’t identify them.” [14:37] “Outgrowing a relationship doesn’t need to mean that you leave it entirely.” [23:03] “If you’re not getting anything out of a friendship, you’re under no obligation to just keep giving indefinitely.” [25:27] “When someone guilt trips us, it’s very easy to have so much empathy for their feelings that we’re forgetting our side of the story.” [26:58] “It’s possible to heal.” [37:49]   Connect with Hailey Magee Website:            www.haileymagee.com. Instagram:          @haileypaigemagee. Facebook:          Hailey Paige Magee. Medium:            @haileymagee. YouTube:           @haileypaigemageee.     Connect with Rachel Wright Website:            https://rachelwrightnyc.com Instagram:          @thewright_rachel Twitter:              @thewrightrachel   Resources The Human Magnet Syndrome, by Ross Rosenberg.   Get 20% OFF Your First Order at The Honey Pot! Use Promo Code: Rachel20   WIN A FREE INTIMACY AFTER DARK DECK!   Get 30% OFF the NEW After Dark Deck! Use Promo Code: Rachel   Get your Zumio Discount!   Call to Action Please if you love this episode, and know someone else who is a passionate soul on a mission just like you share it with your friends and others. To help this podcast grow please leave an iTunes review and don’t forget to subscribe