Tao Te Ching Verse 7: Abandoning Identity

Tao Te Ching Verse 7Heaven is long-enduring and earth continues long. The reason why heaven and earth are able to endure and continue thus long is because they do not live of, or for, themselves. This is how they are able to continue and endure.Therefore the sage puts his own person last, and yet it is found in the foremost place; he treats his person as if it were foreign to him, and yet that person is preserved. Is it not because he has no personal and private ends, that therefore such ends are realized?Photo by Alex Iby on UnsplashThe case for abandoning identityWhy do I feel the need to be somebody and leave a legacy?  I think it’s because that at some point when growing up, I heard people tell me that I needed to get an education, work hard, and be successful.  These things seemed perfectly logical, and especially since I heard them from my parents and looked around me to find that everyone else was telling me this too!  Teachers, TV, the radio, etc.  Everything.  Taking this message seriously was probably one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life.In fact, one of the most damaging questions I took seriously as a young boy and tried to answer for many years - like at least 35 years - was, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”  it was certainly an innocent question, asked by well-meaning adults.  And I had a choice to take it seriously or not - but I did, just like I think many of us do.  Interestingly, it seemed that I didn’t have a choice because I didn’t know any better - and while that may have been true at the time, I allowed that reality to define my searches and behavior for many, many years.  Trying to answer this question led me to many years of misery.  I compared myself with others that seemed to know what they were doing as early as 8th grade.  The cool kids who were confident and even then were what we’d call influencers.  I honestly thought they had their stuff together.  Now of course, I realize that they were just as messed up inside as me - but they were probably being in the moment better than I could manage - or at least made it look that way.When I left college and entered the workforce, I was always trying to prove myself to others.  How hard of a worker I could be, how skilled I was at something, what sweet jobs I could get based on my resume.  And indeed, we still see this at work today in our culture!  Remember we talked about the difference between contentment and complacency, and how one was centered in gratitude and the other in laziness?  In the same way, I’m not saying we can’t push, grow, and learn to be better - I’m just saying that we use those activities to define us.  And in so doing, we cause ourselves unnecessary misery.It turns out that I was fortunate enough to awaken and realize that I don’t have to be anything.  It wasn’t like a switch, like all of a sudden I realized this - it was more of a gradual process.  I was just tired of not knowing and started seeking for an answer.  In my career, I’d been many things and played many roles.  I loved changing jobs every year or so.  But when I couldn’t stay at one particular thing like so many other people seem to do, I started thinking that I was flaky & wishy-washy.  That feeling eventually got so heavy that I wanted to do something about it, and started seeking ways to let go of that belief.And so, It wasn’t until I stopped entertaining the idea that I needed to be something, somebody, that I found tr