Tao Te Ching Verse 20: Side-Stepping the Hype

Tao Te Ching Verse 20Translated by James LeggeWhen we renounce learning we have no troubles.The (ready) 'yes,' and (flattering) 'yea;'--Small is the difference they display.But mark their issues, good and ill;--What space the gulf between shall fill?What all men fear is indeed to be feared; but how wide and without endis the range of questions (asking to be discussed)!The multitude of men look satisfied and pleased; as if enjoying afull banquet, as if mounted on a tower in spring. I alone seemlistless and still, my desires having as yet given no indication oftheir presence. I am like an infant which has not yet smiled. I lookdejected and forlorn, as if I had no home to go to. The multitude ofmen all have enough and to spare. I alone seem to have losteverything. My mind is that of a stupid man; I am in a state ofchaos.Ordinary men look bright and intelligent, while I alone seem to bebenighted. They look full of discrimination, while I alone am dulland confused. I seem to be carried about as on the sea, drifting asif I had nowhere to rest. All men have their spheres of action, whileI alone seem dull and incapable, like a rude borderer. (Thus) I aloneam different from other men, but I value the nursing-mother (the Tao).Photo by Vivek Doshi on UnsplashDepending on the TaoFrom the point of view of the ‘rest of the people in the world,’ Lao Tzu says he alone appears slow and stupid.  I don’t know about you, but this certainly doesn’t make following the Tao appealing!  Yet I have experienced so much goodness with it, that I am compelled to look further than my own limited perspective in this line.  Here’s what I think:There is a lot of comparison and contrast in this verse, and as we saw in the middle section, these qualities are what my judging mind has constructed.  So when Lao Tzu is saying he seems slow and stupid, could it be perhaps that he is criticizing his own ego?  Imagine for a moment that his ego is really just the ‘other people’ in the world.  Then it makes sense.  Instead of saying ‘to the world’ I seems slow and stupid, we can re-imagine it like this:  To my ego’s perception of me, I appear slow and stupid.  Mmm, now we’re getting somewhere.  I love the last line in this verse, as it takes everything we’ve been taking about and shapes it into perfect context:  Lin Yutang translates, “I alone differ from the other people, And value drawing sustenance from the Mother.”  Of course by Mother, we mean the Tao.  We can put this another way using 2020 language:  My higher self, different from my ego’s perception of other people, prefers to draw life from the Source.OK, let’s assume that’s the case right now.  We have Higher Selves and we have the Ego Selves.  Remember we have the power to choose where we direct our attention; therefore, we can concentrate on Source, or the Tao, or we can concentrate on fulfilling our worldly selves by satisfying the senses of the ego.For me, that’s the big paradox for right now:  how gifts of the Tao can appear undesirable until I actually experience them.  But to get there, I need to let go of this false sense of separation that I call my ego so I have a chance.  I suppose that’s where my journey is leading me.