247. How To Be Awesome At Dealing With Adult Bullies

We spend a ton of time on this podcast talking about ignoring negativity, and avoiding toxic people.    But what about when you’re in a situation where someone targets you repeatedly. Maybe they are intimidating or controlling, unruly or condescending or shaming.  We’re talking about adult bullying.   Something that 30% of adults say that they have experienced.   Lindsay is sharing the story about why she's recently done a deep dive into this and how one of her best friends was being bullied for so long and finally enough was enough and it was time for us, her friends, to stand up to her bully too.    We are likely to deal with some sort of adult bullying in our lives so we need strong strategies for how to deal with it.    This is an uplifting talk about standing up to people who try to push you around or shame you or are constantly condescending.  When to ignore them, when to confront them and ways to take control of the situation.   Nobody deserves to be bullied and even though we know it is usually a THEM problem not an US problem, we still have to deal with it.  That’s what we’re hashing out today.      Lindsay explains that she is not an expert of course - but her job is to bring up topics she thinks are important to pause life and focus on.    This deep dive started because of one of Lindsay’s good friends being bullied by an adult - for a long time.  It came to a point where enough is enough.    Here are some of the things that Lindsay talks about:    -Examples of bullies: Colleague  Boss Neighbor  Family member  Someone in your social circle      Bullying can come in many forms!  -someone who targets you repeatedly  -someone who to be intimidating or controlling, unruly or condescending or shaming.      -Keep your distance from bullies  Avoid engagement unless you have to Avoid it if you can, sometimes they will just stop or go away      -Don’t react! Ignore them 3 times and they will stop  They are trying to push your buttons  They get the advantage when you react and lose your cool  90% of bullying stops if you don’t react to them 3 times in a row You are feeding them if you react.  That’s the whole point- that’s what they want.      -Take your insecurities and get comfortable with them.  If someone or people try to pick on you about specific things.  It takes the power away from people who try to bully you.  What can you change?  What can you not change but you can change how you think about it?  Maybe I’m not in the financial place I want to be now but life is long and I’m on my way.  You might have the insecurities your whole life so you might as well deal with them now. If it’s  Ya I’m not the smartest at that … or the best at that skill… but I am really good at a lot of other things.  Become secure in what you are not secure with.   -Write it down! Even if you never need it or use it!  It can be beneficial in SO MANY ways. Especially if it’s a family member - journalling what happened and when and how you felt will help you track the problem over time.  And worst case if you need to report it to a supervisor or HR or the police.  Start a journal just for this.  There is no downside.  Don’t leave it out - keep it secure.  Pop emails or screenshots in a folder if needed.  They can make you feel crazy- you will see all your evidence and history. No mind manipulation here.    -If you need to stand up to them- be assertive  If you must interact, be strong and assertive.  If you must interact with them regularly, make sure you are the one that sets the tone of the relationship.    -Set-up consequences  If it’s a situation that works for this, set boundaries. This works mainly with friends or family.  This behavior is not acceptable, if it continues, you will not be welcome in our circle.    -Master things that give you confidence to give you control    --Don’t be shitty because someone else was!  Don’t get even  Because then you are acting shitty like them  And then you can become a bully    -Personal strength and confidence - TED TALK Kevin Ward  It is the true safe space. Because you can take that everywhere.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_4uB-j-zgQ     CHEERS to protecting your headspace and not letting adult bullies in!!