102. How to have Brave Donor Conversations and Why They Are Important with Bessi Graham

Sometimes it’s our job as integral change leaders to be the reality check – even when it’s not easy or means leaving money on the table. Bessi Graham, my guest on this episode of What the Fundraising, is helping us think in new ways about bravery – the willingness to stand up as nonprofits and claim our value propositions, state our limitations and insist on donor partners whose values align with our own. With 20 years of experience working with business owners, governments, and large funding bodies, Bessi is uniquely positioned to counsel fundraisers on how to balance charitable purpose and pragmatic financial reality. She is sharing with us concrete strategies for reorienting difficult conversations in ways that not only break through miscommunication but set nonprofits up to succeed. It starts with defining sustainability and the tools we need to meet our mission. The first challenge for nonprofit leaders is to reject feeling beholden. No more approaching the donor table from a place of scarcity! “Shifting your own apologetic nature is on you. How do you show up in the room differently?” asks Bessi. “Because power dynamics shift immediately when someone is engaged as an equal.”

You’ll come away from this conversation with a new framework for the difficult conversations we all need to have, at least from time to time. So much of what burns out nonprofit fundraisers is the struggle to make good on unrealistic expectations and navigate through unbalanced power dynamics that set us up for stress and failure. Bessi shines a bright light on how we can do things differently and this conversation felt like a great place to start!


(02:21) Bessi frames her overarching mission to bring “doing good” and “making money” back under the same umbrella through sustainable business models.

(04:53) About merging values that we’ve been programmed to feel are mutually exclusive and incompatible.

(08:39) Bessi highlights what traditionally has been an unforced but perceived choice between careers designed to do good versus make money. 

(11:51) Exploring the unquestioned binary prioritization of charitable purpose, mission, and values. 

(15:04) Bessi takes a closer look at the unhealthy power dynamics and unsustainable expectations that hinder the ability of nonprofit leaders to do good in the world.

(16:29) Navigating conversations with board members around overhead and responsible pay

(21:28) Bessi urges nonprofits to look at relationships through a values-based lens that allows a different conversation.

(23:23) How to reorient donor conversations

(25:12) Making the distinction between ethical and impact investments 

(27:07) Why the make-do mentality within the nonprofit sector skews power dynamics, creates perpetual scarcity, and ultimately limits the ability of nonprofits to deliver.

(30:59) How nonprofits can leverage transparency to create realistic donor relationships and control funding cycles, expectations, and outcomes.

(32:52) What it looks like when nonprofits push back on donor demands

(39:42) Where to find out more about Bessi and her work


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Many thanks to our sponsor, Feathr for making this episode possible. Our friends at Feather help nonprofits like yours level up their digital campaigns every day through their nonprofit marketing platform. Don’t rely on magic this year. Check out Feathr to streamline your digital marketing campaigns and exceed your goals. Learn more and get started today at Feathr.co.

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If you’re looking to raise more from the right funders, then you’ll want to check out my Power Partners Formula, a step-by-step approach to identifying the optimal partners for your organization. This free masterclass offers a great starting point