A Maskil

Code Pink! Code Pink!People are running around with blinders on! It appears they’ve been reading English translations of the Septuagint!Half keep referring to something called the Books of the Kingdoms, which do not appear in the Bible; the other half are enamored with some goofy Greek nonsense called “philosophical questioning.” One of them keeps eating ice cream in a stupor. They insist that the Bible is about building churches, investing in property, planning for the future, defending walls, funding wars, protecting their people, and—above all—trying to prove which tribe held the first theropod roast in prehistoric Palestine, which, at that time, was known as, well, “nothing,” because we probably did not have language yet. Some of these people are doing DNA tests and then photoshopping pictures of themselves holding a Bible while standing at said therapod roast.Ah, the suffering of Job. But Job was a fool. I mean, look, what did his supposed righteousness get him? A house in Tel Aviv? But that’s what you want. So you host Lenten retreats about the deep spiritual meaning of Job’s suffering and how to be patient like him in anticipation of your colonial therapod roast.Disgusting. And just to be clear, Elihu, Father Paul explains, is no better. The structure of Job, the syntax of the canon, and the placement of Psalms all undermine you: all of them de-historicize, de-value, and de-center the human being.So, please. It does not matter what your DNA test says. If the result of your DNA test comes back “human being,” that is already way too much information. May God have mercy upon the therapods. (Episode 317)

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