114: Grieving Our Children’s Intellectual Disabilities + Facing Our Internalized Ableism w/ Marci Dunning

Society’s values are slowly shifting away from a focus on physical beauty toward intellect instead. We’re taught that academic and intellectual achievement is so valuable, maybe even one of the most valuable things we can accomplish. On the surface, that might feel like a good thing, but where does that leave our children with intellectual disabilities?
In today’s episode, Marci Dunning shares with us her experience of learning that her daughter Freya has an intellectual disability. At first, she couldn’t believe that her precious, cheeky child who was full of personality could even have an intellectual disability because it seemed so different than the way intellectual disability is portrayed in media and society. But after a long journey to a diagnosis and confirmation of Freya’s intellectual disability, Marci has begun to face her grief and to unlearn the internalized ableism that plagues nearly all of us.
Marci explains that part of her grief isn’t simply about Freya’s disability, but also from the guilt of knowing that she spent so long viewing intellectual disability in a negative light. We also talk about the frustration of knowing that testing still doesn’t capture of full range of Freya’s capabilities and interests and how letting go of certain therapies allowed Marci and Freya to develop a closer relationship.
And finally, we discuss Marci’s acceptance that disability is part of life and that she and Freya have a full life anyway, even if she still feels some sorrow for the struggles Freya may face.
Links:
Listen to Ep. 77: To Those Who Couldn’t Say “I Wouldn’t Have Them Any Other Way”.
Listen to Ep. 9: Taking Charge of Therapy.
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Access the transcript on the website here.
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