Episode 16 | What it Looks and Feels Like to be Securely Attached

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.  Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 16: "What It Looks and Feels Like to Be Securely Attached." In this insightful episode, Dr. Hensley explores the profound transformation that occurs once you achieve secure attachment. She begins by discussing the inner peace and resilience that come with attachment security, providing listeners with a glimpse into the deep sense of emotional stability that emerges. Drawing from the core components of her hybrid group coaching program, Dr. Hensley offers a clear roadmap to secure attachment. The episode starts with an in-depth discussion on nervous system regulation, highlighting its pivotal role in achieving secure attachment. Dr. Hensley then reveals a powerful, often closely-guarded secret: meta-cognition. She explains how gaining conscious control over your thought patterns enables you to retrain your brain and provide your nervous system with new experiences of love, safety, and connection. Dr. Hensley also covers crucial concepts such as cognitive distortions and catastrophic thinking, noting that many of her clients discover how their thoughts are predominantly negative, creating feelings of insecurity within their relationships. She emphasizes that mastering these skills begins with everyday self-talk. Only by practicing these techniques daily can you successfully apply them in moments of emotional trigger, especially within romantic relationships. A key takeaway from the episode is Dr. Hensley’s "True and True Two Question Test" for challenging your thoughts: "Is this thought true?" and "Is this thought productive?" She encourages listeners to reframe any thought that doesn’t pass this test. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley dives into the powerful emotions of shame and rejection, explaining how they keep us trapped in a dysregulated state. She reveals that shame is a major barrier to secure attachment, often fueling feelings of unworthiness and blocking emotional growth. In closing, Dr. Hensley outlines practical ways to begin regulating the nervous system and releasing the burden of shame. She explains the scientific basis for achieving attachment security, underscoring its importance not just for mental health, but for overall psychological amd physical  well-being. She wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to build their capacity for secure behaviors, which she explores in greater depth in her course and hybrid group coaching program.  Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: ·        What does Secure Attachment feel like. ·       The two biggest components in secure attachment: nervous system regulation and meta-cognition.   ·       How negative thinking keeps you stuck in attachment insecurities.  ·       The role that shame plays in nervous system disregulation.  ·       In depth tools and ideas around how to regulate your nervous system and start achieving attachment security.  Consider/Ask Yourself ·       What does your inner voice sound like? ·       Are you able to consciously capture your thoughts?  .       What are some childhood wounds that are contributing to your attachment insecurities and keeping you stuck from acheiving your attachment security.   ·       Is shame keeping you stuck, and are you shaming yourself for feeling shame?  .       How can you start the practice of observing and taking authority of your thought world?