27. Estrangement Hurts, But Not on Purpose

There’s no question that estrangement from an adult child is painful for rejected parents. But many parents suffer even more than necessary, because they believe their child is willingly hurting them. Nobody wants to think of their child as heartless, cruel, mentally ill, easily brainwashed, or any of the other qualities often attributed to people who estrange themselves from family. Instead, Tina suggests throwing out unsatisfying and inaccurate explanations, and relying instead on the mental model of Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect.” Tina puts an estrangement spin on that model to help parents understand and come to better terms with why estrangement happens. This episode also includes a brief discussion about the difference between estrangement and the silent treatment.